It was an ugly heated argument between two women at the age of 50/60, who don't really like each other. I won't repeat what has been said...
However I kept thinking about all the things about arguments my mum has taught me.
I find these insights very helpful to remember when I notice I'm about to argue (I only argue with my sister though x])
So, I decided to share them! =)
1. An argument is always 2 (or more) people's fault.
One can't argue by him/herself. "(S)he started..." is just a prelude to "and I continued." If the other doesn't respond to it in a heated way, it can never turn into an argument, it'll just stay a nasty comment.
2. One can't make the other do/think/stop something.
At some point in an ugly heated argument someone will tell the other to stop the arguing or question the other why (s)he doesn't stop. This has absolutely no use, it will only cause another response.
3. One cannot win an argument, ever!
It doesn't matter how many times one repeats their opinion in whatever new way, the other will never fully (or even partially) admit to agree.
4. Everyone talks, but nobody really listens.
Yes, they'll listens to each other's words, just to find something to disagree on next...
5. Rooted irritation surfaces.
Really heated arguments usually aren't because the topic of their argument is so dear to them. It usually is fueled by irritations that finally come to burst in confrontation. It can be a certain attitude one can't stand from the other or earlier events that caused the other to get irritated.
6. The last word is the word of the "winner".
And so the argument will turn into a battle of the last word. The results will be ugly and they'll say mean things that they don't mean.
7. Physical fighting is a sign of fear.
When one feels likely to lose the "battle of the last word", they might use physical strength to claim their dominance in the argument.
8. Calling names is also a sign of fear.
However, besides it being a display of dominance (by humiliating the other) out of fear, it can also be some sort of reassurance of having the last word and being the "winner". This is an illusion however, because calling names will definitely urge the other to respond.
9. Adults in heated arguments lose their dignity.
When adults fight in an ugly, childish way, their dignity is completely ruined in the face of the onlookers and each other. They'll just look ridiculous and should know better than to behave in such a immature way.
10. There is no satisfaction.
Although it might feel releasing at first, it will be gone in the end. Even when the other "loses" by crying or withdrawing, the "winner" won't feel like a winner. Instead, they'll feel like a dignity-deprived, guilty loser.
The best thing to do when you're in an argument; just stop arguing when you notice the other (or you) is heated. Although it's a tough thing to do, stop talking. If you can do that, start searching for agreements on the topic and comment on those. =)
In an argument we easily forget the things we agree on and hammer instead on the things we disagree on, making it look like there's no agreement at all.
=D But best of all: don't argue~ ^^ ♥
~~~~~X~~~x~~~X~~~~~
*~Maria
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